Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
