another moral hangover. fuck.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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