the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize