This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
