there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
