how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
