i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
