she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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