Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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