Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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