she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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