It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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