Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
