When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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