What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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