I accidentally had phone sex last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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