Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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