Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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