dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
