Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
bring money and cleavage
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
