forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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