I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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