i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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