I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
