Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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