No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
