It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
