And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
