I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
