When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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