LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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