we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ok first of all what the fuck
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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