3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later