I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.