Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
