Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
me + whiskey = a bad person
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
