She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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