remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
