Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
