if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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