I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
