I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
