Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
