he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Come on in and take your pants off
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