If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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