Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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