I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
