Me too!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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