he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
