it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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