As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
