The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
