hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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