he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Randomize
