So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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