apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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