is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
