I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
