so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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