i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
