I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
