my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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