so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
