What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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