I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
