So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
