***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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