he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
