Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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