i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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