For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize