Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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