I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize