At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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