He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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