He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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