An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
