3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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