saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
